Confessions of a Side-Chick (short version)

I could write a book, a very lengthy book about this topic.  But I’ll keep this simple and revisit the topic in the future.  It wasn’t something I chose, IT chose me.  I never wished it, I never yearned it.  But here I was.  Unknowingly, I was someone’s side-chick.  How was this possible?  That wasn’t what I signed up for.  No, I mean, literally, I did not sign up for it when I naively signed up to be a member on an online dating website.  I went on the site seeking what most people were seeking: companionship, and if I was lucky, a legitimate relationship that would someday lead to a lifelong commitment.  Anyway, I met this great guy on this site.  Little did I know that he was in a “situation”.  Little did I know that he was taking a “break” from his current 3 year situation. How would I have known?  His profile made no mention of it and why would it?  We began talking frequently on the phone, going out to lunch and dinner.  I must admit, I was impressed when I first met him.  He was quite handsome and was able to hold a decent conversation.  After our first date, we decided for a second, then a third, and so on and so forth.  Eventually, the relationship became intimate.  One thing lead to another and I found out that I was pregnant.  I was a bit shocked, especially since he was adamant that he was unable to have children– a line that many guys use apparently, so beware. Anyhow, I stupidly fell for it and I found myself in the midst of a major life changing scenario.  The pregnancy wasn’t the biggest shocker, though.  Finding out that he had someone else that he had to explain his mess to was quite the shocker.  All of a sudden, the dinners and luncheons stopped.  The intimacy ceased.  The phone calls and text messages decreased.  He had played me and, I guess, the other woman as well. Suddenly, he wanted to be “honest” with me.  Really?  Now?  He had been with this woman for three years “off and on” and apparently this was their “off” season, at least in his mind anyway.  He was faced with having to make some major decisions in his life, but in the back of my mind, I knew that he would never choose to commit to me instead of her.  Just as well because I became so disgusted with him, that the thought of being with him was appalling.  His choice had already been made as far as I was concerned.  The mere fact that he even told me at this point that there was someone else was a clear way of telling me, “hey I have someone that I’m committed to and therefore don’t plan on being committed to you.”  Because, honestly, if he really wanted to be with me, he would have just broken it off with the other woman, and committed to me without any mention of the other woman.  Other than the disgust I felt for him, I was disappointed in myself because I was so gullible to fall for such lies.  Furthermore, I was pregnant with someone’s child who clearly did not want to be with me in the first place.  Here I was, Ms. Side-Chick and I hadn’t even chosen the title.  I wondered why so many women accept the title and are okay with being that woman that he will probably never commit to.  I wondered why many women seek this type of relationship while so many women cry at the very thought of sharing their many with another woman.  Well since that episode in my life, I’ve grown up quite a bit and have come up with some tips that might help in figuring out whether you are a man’s side-chick.  Feel free to add more in the comments.

  1.  He wants to move the relationship at a very quick pace.  While this might be a plus to many women, others may view this rush as a way to not only get you in the sheets, but may also be used as a tactic to show his significant other that other women are interested in him as a way to regain her attention that she once used to give him
  2.  He communicates with you only during certain times of the day.  This is a classic.  A man who has no other attachment will make himself available to you whenever, not just 9-5 while he’s work, or only when he’s out running errands, you get the point.
  3. He only communicates with you via texting.  Can I get an Amen for this one?!  If his fingers are doing the talking more than his mouth is, you may want to question this. And if you call him right after he has sent you a text and he doesn’t pick up, unless he’s at work or in a legitimate setting where he can chit chat, you may want to raise an eyebrow to this.
  4. He never invites you over to his place.  This may come across to some as a good thing in that he’s not eager to get you in his bed and wants to get to know you for you.  The flip side of this is that someone else is already in his bed.  So when he wants to get romantic, he suggests coming to your place or maybe going to a hotel. This is definitely a red flag.